17. September 2011

...and I am not going to write fail

Ok, so yesterday was a good day, today is a crappy one. Maybe that's poetic justice or something, but I don't like it.

My BS today: 248 - good night!, I correct of course. 224 - good morning!, I correct. 306 - maybe a miscalculated cocoa, but that bad? I correct. 286 - an hour later, also moderate ketones, I get kinda panicky and change my pump site, but considering the insulin on board only give a tiny correction. 272 - I start correcting and test ketones again. My ketone meter (sic) says LO and for some reason that makes me check my BS again, which is 165 - I immediately stop the pump from delivering the rest of the correction bolus - and, check again, 159. WTF?? That's what you call off by 20%?? So glad I double checked that reading! Finally have dinner. I'm 145 just before writing the post.

Sometimes diabetes sucks. There is no way denying it. But I'm not going to consider this day a fail on my part. I did everything to the best of my knowledge, and that is all I can do. It might seem a little awkward and double standard that yesterday I claimed the credit but won't accept todays readings as the results of my doing. But I work every day to manage this disease, every friggin' day. No matter what my results are, I should get rewarded for this work. And if diabetes decides to throw stones in my way, I'm neither going to thank it for that nor will I take responsibilty for the resulting stumbling.

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